Confessions of a failed dog catcher

 

I sat down and heaved a breath as my family tried to get the story out of me. “So what happened? we heard that diabolical dog of yours got out, but not the whole story,” said my aunt diane. “Yeah, I wanna know what happened!” whined my cousin Angelina. They were assiduous with their pleas to hear the story. They badgered me constantly, and I knew they’d continue until I told them what had happened. So I began my narration of the maelstrom of recent events:

It was afternoon, just after school, when Keira (my dog) executed her first attempt at freedom. I was in the living room, relaxing after a long hard day of school, and waiting for Crysten, my youngest sister, to arrive home. I had let both Killean, my old Welsh Corgi, and Keira, my young Yellow Lab, outside when I had arrived home. I heard Killean bawling to be allowed inside, and I got up and went to the back door to retrieve him. As I opened the door, he quietly trotted in. I didn’t see Keira, but she could be farther in the back or behind the shed or something. So I ambled to the middle of the yard, calling her. Behind the garage? no. Behind the shed? no. I was starting to get worried. Then I saw her, in the way back, on the other side of the fence. That’s not good.I called her and articulated my desire for her to come back into the yard (in a rather forceful manner). She stared at me, and her eyes shone with delight. She knew she was doing something she wasn’t supposed to. I could tell she wouldn’t listen to me as she usually did. Just as it looked like she was going to be a good girl and come back in the yard, she bolted for my neighbor’s, my Aunt Eleanor and Uncle Greg’s, yard and I ran through the gate and sprinted after her. She played around, allowing me to lure  her close to me but prancing off just before I was close enough to grab her collar. This was all a game to her, and she had apparently caught the sent of somethign and was on the prowl. We weaved up and down the back yard, her willowy frame moving gracefully back and forth, me panting, frantically trying to keep up with her. Her legs carrried her fast and gracefully, her genteel purebred lineage apparrent. She finally got bored of all this running back and forth, and to my dismay decided to jump over the somewhat frail bulwark erected by my Uncle. I moved as fast as my un-athletic legs could carry me. On the other side of that fence was our quiet little road, but we were near the end. Near the Main Road. I barreled through that back yard and leapt over the fence, continuing and searching for my behemoth of a dog. I cursed my indolent lifestyle.

I finally spotted her in the parking lot of the small bank across the street, which was right on the corner of my road and the main road. Thankfully there weren’t that many cars there, for the moment. I sped towards her with all my might and she darted to the opposite side of the bank. As I rounded the side of the bank, I saw her walking about, basking in her new-found freedom. I saw her consider the main road, which was miraculously empty. She had never come across it before, and she seemed to want to test her mettle. As I looked on awe stricken, she pressed her paw against the pavement, as if testing water. She then looked at me languidly  and turned around and ran into the street. As if re-gaining animation, I ran into the road after her without thinking, imperiling myself. She ran to the other side and back in a wide arc, and by the time that she was running back onto the asylum of the grass, the cars started to come around the bend in the road. If I didn’t run soon, I would be martyred for the sake of my dog. I ran for my life back onto the safety of the grass and lumbered after her, my impotent nature evident. She ran right past me, a look of sheer pleasure upon her face, and to the road. She balked at the edge, not sure what to do about the cars. She looked back at me, seeming to laugh at the embarrassment she was putting me through. 

Not only was I making a fool of myself running around after her, looking like a buffoon, but I looked the part, too: I wasn’t wearing a jacket, despite the cold, rainy weather, and my hair was in such a disheveled state I was having difficulty seeing through it. I saw the people slowing down their cars, which although I knew it was because they saw Keira right near the road, it felt like they were also peering at me, laughing at me and this bizarre state of affairs. Growing angry at this perceived humiliation, I was determined to get that dog back home at all costs, not only because she was in danger but I really hated to show such indignity in public. 

As she started to make her way into the road, the cars thankfully slowed down, the one that she walked right in front of to a stop. It beeped vehemently, and Keira, startled, stared at it, frozen. I took my chance and ran forward, grasping for her collar. She unfortunately regained her ability to move and ran to the back of the bank, and I ran after her, trying to impede her progress. I saw her golden tail disappear around the corner, and then I saw a car backing up and then stop. I tried not to think the worst and impelled myself  forward. Thankfully she hadn’t been hit, and the man who had  been driving the car had jumped out of his SUV and was attempting to help catch Keira. “Is that your dog?” he questioned me. “Yeah, and thanks for helping!” I replied. He nodded. I could tell he had been in some sort of similar situation himself at some point and he was just doing the amicable thing in helping. I saw her on the other side of the Bank, panting and looking at me. “Come on, Keira,” I enticed her with a calm, low voice “lets go home and get some treats.” I was, alas, unable to enthrall her with my words. The man tried to bait her with allowing her to get into his car. “Come on, girl, lets go for a ride! wanna come for a ride in my car?” she continued to stare at us and I walked calmly towards her. A car which had just pulled into my road stopped when the woman driving saw Keira gamboling about. Keira’s enjoyment of her freedom was as pellucid as a well-manicured pool.

After seeing my difficulty attempting to capture my limber canine, she hopped out of her car, a small yellow lab puppy in her arms. The proceeded to walk to the sidewalk, not far from where Keira was looking on, and kneel down on the sidewalk. I understood at once where she was going with this: all dogs are curious about other dogs, especially puppies. As expected, Keira’s curiosity was piqued and she cautiously approached the woman and began to sniff at the small puppy, with the woman smiling on. “That’s a good girl,” she cooed as I stealthily tip-toed up behind my dog. I inched slowly towards her collar, but she darted away. I backed up a bit, and she came back to the puppy and sniffed at it. I repeated myself, only this time allowed her to watch me come towards her. She skipped away once more, but not as far, and came back to the puppy again, she was apparently very curious about it. And so I repeated my endeavors until I finally got her collar, and everyone around me clapped; a lot of people, mainly from the bank, had been looking on for the last few minutes at least. I smiled,  “Finally got you, you incorrigible dog!” Keira just smiled at me (if you don’t know, dogs, especially mine, have a look that is characteristic of a smile; it really does look like they have a wide, maddened grin spread across their face) and panted. She had had the time of her young life, meddling about town. The woman got up and offered me her leash. “She’ll slip out of her collar if you don’t have a leash, and it will be ten times harder to corral her that way!” she laughed. I agreed, attempting to laugh along with her but was having difficulty, I was winded from my sprint. I don’t know if I would have been able to catch Keira had she not intervened.

She brought me the leash and watched on as I latched it on Keira’s collar with a sigh. “I own Dellaquila, you know, the hair salon over by the deli? just bring it over to me when you’re done.” I nodded, smiling and thanking her, and then walked Keira home. I held on to her tight on that seemingly long walk, the few hundred feet to my yard, then to my door, and then into the kitchen where I promptly secured her in her kennel. “Ha! won’t get out now, will you?” I said, smiling at her. I knew she hadn’t meant any harm, she was innocuous, still infantile in her ways; she had just wanted to discover new things and have some fun. It just happened to be the most dangerous way she could do such a thing. I went and got my jacket, I realized I was freezing, and left the house once more to go bring the leash back to my savior. I walked through the path past the gate and around to the front of the small strip mall in my town, past the pizza place and the attorney’s office, the post office and the deli, until I reached Dellaquila and entered to find the woman surrounded by a group of customers and employees alike, hearing her tell what had happened. “Ah, here she is!” she announced. I handed the leash over to her and scratched between the puppies’ ears while I explained what had happened before she had arrived. I then tiredly walked to the door, saying “I think I’ll go home and take a nap now,” to which they all laughed. I smiled exhaustedly and then waved, thanking her again, and disappeared from their vision, dragging my feet the rest of the way home. When I arrived home and collapsed on the couch, breathing laboriously, until my parents got home and I explained what happened to them. 

Little did I know that two days later, she would get out again. Only the next time her escapade would take her to the street over, where she would attempt to commit a larceny by trying to eat someone’s chicken (which are apparently quite palatable). My dog has become an addict of her new hedonistic ways, without much consideration of anyone’s feelings, especially those of farmers. As I reflect on the events of the last few days, I pray to the almighty this won’t be a recurring habit of hers.